We learn so much at school about science, maths and arts – but quite often, in our normal adult lives, these endless hours of education actually serve no real purpose. What our real lives are made up of are a series of relationships – whether that is in our interactions linked with our career/work, or our finances, or our body. One of the most fundamental relationships for many is that of the romantic relationship – with a loved partner. But how are we supposed to know what constitutes a successful and fulfilling romantic relationship? What does good look like for us versus others? What would a Grade A relationship look like?
In my previous post – ‘Conscious Relationships’, I shared four simple exercises to help get you started on your relationship journey towards more meaningful and alive connections. As someone who has recently got engaged, my partner and I are exploring ways to bring attention to the domains of our relationship which are important to us both. Through our discussions, we created these 6 different ‘pillars’:
THE 6 RELATIONSHIP PILLARS
- SOCIETY – Supporting each other’s contribution to the planet – from their day job or career, to community, charity and service to others and for a purpose greater than the relationship.
- SOCIAL – Making time and energy for friends, family, in-laws, building genuine authentic relationships, and where appropriate, independent of the partner (e.g. my relationship with my mother-in-law).
- COMMUNICATION – Actively listening to each other – words said and unsaid. Speaking your truth and feeling safe to do so.
- SPIRITUAL – Together and individually, creating space to connect internally to a spiritual domain, whatever that means to you. Walking in nature can be just as powerful as meditation together.
- PHYSICAL – Sense of adventure, discovery and curiosity for the world around us – trying new cuisines, physical challenges, travel destinations. Exercising together, keeping fit, eating clean and respecting each other’s bodies.
- SEXUAL – Intimacy, attraction, sexual polarity and chemistry – knowing how to do it well, feeling alive and excited about each other and your union.
A POWERFUL ‘ASSESSMENT’ OF WHERE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE AT, FOLLOWED BY SOME ACTION PLANNING
I am excited to share with you an exercise in which you and your partner can evaluate and score your relationship on each of the pillars. This can also serve as a guide for discussions around what areas are most important, where there are big gaps between your respective understanding and most importantly, what steps or actions you wish to commit to improving these scores going forward.
Have a go and let me know if it works or any feedback on how to improve!
